Dominant or submissive?

I have 4 poms, 2 older ones (M & F) & 2 1 1/2 yr M, both of which we got at the same time at 8 and 12 wks old back in Jan. of 2010. At 9 mo.old (Aug. 2010) they starting having minor aggession issues with each other ONLY-older dogs not involved. 1 day it turned aggressive with Bailey pinning Joey down. We tried to pull Bailey off Joey thinking that would do it, but Bailey was not letting go. I did a stupid thing & tried to pry his jaws open only for him to release his jaws & clamp down on my finger, which once he realized it was me, he let go. My husband & I were shocked as we never witnessed this behavior of aggression in the 20 years we have owned poms as pets. Our dogs have had fights but nothing that aggressive. The "boys" were both immediately neutered & separated until we figured out what to do. I've been told to give 1 up to solve the problem, but my dogs are my kids & I refuse to give 1 up without a fight myself. Have done a ton of research on dog aggression, how to handle it, sibling rivalry & the famous "littermate syndrome" which is the category I believe I fall under & feel really stupid that I didn't know alot of this stuff beforehand. Looking back I realize we probably should have let the fight continue & maybe it would have been settled then & there, but I was so terrified that Joey was going to get hurt that I couldn't take the risk, Bailey is 3 wks younger than Joey but also much stronger. Here is the "short" version of the steps we have taken. In Aug. they have had to be in separate rooms for about 3-4 months because they couldn't stand the sight of 1 another. Around Dec.they could at least glance at each other without being aggressive but still didn't want to be in the same room for long without trying to fight. In Jan. I decided that I needed to do more basic training with them as far as sitting, stay, wait, down, etc. & that seemed to work very well. We have been slowly reintroducing themselves to one another for the past 5 mo. now & have made GREAT progress. We are FINALLY to the point where they sometime initally growl at each other but then stop. Keep in mind they are always on leashes or we pick them up to transfer from room to room, & have NOT had any voluntary physical contact with each other whatsoever for the past 10 months. When they are in the same room, we keep them on long leashes with one being tied to one area of the room & the other tied to another area where they can just reach each other without having contact. This has gone very well on most occasions. In the past 3 weeks, we have occassionally let them have more contact (head to head) but not full body & NEVER off the leashes or without 1 of us in between them. At 1 point they were actually licking each other & play barking but eventually would both show signs of domininace with each other, paw on back, head on shoulder, etc, & then eventually lead to Bailey's stare and stance, then the warning growl, & we would quickly have to intervene So finally to the point of my question, in my research I have read that if we have 2 dominant dogs we need to decide which 1 is more dominant & then reward that dog for his dominant behavior by feeding, walking first, etc. I do not agree with this at all. I don't believe you should reward a dog for being a bully but I guess that's not the issue here. If we are to do the next step, I need to know for sure who is more dominant. We believe it is Bailey but are not sure. These are their signs. Bailey is definitely the 1st with the dominant stare & stance but usually doesn't start the dominance signs 1st as far as paw placement & usually doesn't growl first. He's more like a lion waiting for his prey type(I know that's not funny, but I'm trying to find humor in my situation) However, Joey is always more cautious if he knows Bailely is in the next room but always barks or growls first when he's coming towards Bailey. (By that I mean for example, Joey will be upstairs with my husband & when they come down, they are separated by gates but Joey knows Bailey is on the other side of the gate), When they have close contact and are behaving, Joey will ALWAYS be the 1st one to turn away from eye contact. I know this is a submissive sign but he also shows signs of dominance too. I believe Joey acts more submissive but he will definitely respond back if Bailey starts the fight which I know is understandable. But he has never shown full submission and I don't believe he ever wil Also, every time they have close contact, Joey will turn around & put his butt up to Bailey head. Bailey never does this to Joey. Is this dominance or submission? Please no lectures on being selfish & trying to keep them both.They are not in any way being neglected or deprived of anything. If anything, it me & my husband who have had to change our lives but believe they are worth it. Also, do you think after all this